“I am whatever you say I am; if I wasn't, then why would you say I am.” ~Eminem
“Once you label me, you negate me.” ~Soren Kierkegaard
ADD…dyslexic…obese…lazy…learning disabled…anti-social…rebellious…withdrawn…[add your own]…
I won’t quibble with the organic biological diagnoses that may be made to substantiate physiological conditions that may best be treated with a medical solution. Quite simply, I’m not a medical doctor. If your medical doctor has prescribed medication, then follow your medical doctor’s orders.
But in my work with both youth and adults over the years, I have encountered a recurring symptom in my clients that roots itself in a byproduct of medical and psychological diagnoses—“social labeling.” Some of you will adamantly disagree with my position on this subject, but repeated client breakthroughs have demonstrated to me that once the social labels are disarmed, then interpersonal and professional effectiveness soars.
Social labeling often attaches during the primary education grades, while the “second wave” swells the ranks during late middle school to early high school. Advancing through structured primary and secondary curricula, children are guided by caring educators who’ve prepared lesson plans designed to fulfill objectives and requirements often imposed administratively or legislatively. While many children effortlessly follow this track to gain knowledge and integrate seamlessly into the informal social systems they encounter, other children display unique tendencies that don’t neatly conform to the expectations. Lest I be accused of having listened to Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” one too many times, let’s explore further.
Children are growing physically, intellectually and emotionally. Externalities--including siblings, parental discord and divorce, death of a loved one, chronic illness, etc.—weave themselves into that growth. Each event’s impact is difficult to measure with certainty, and each individual experiencing the event reacts uniquely. Children, while born innocent, will sometimes…
• Get distracted by their own thoughts about an event or the actions of others.
• Speak out in accordance with their perception of an event at the level of their own maturity.
• Act out externally the anxiety they experience internally at unscheduled moments inconducive to structured activities.
• Speak or act in a manner that mirrors the perceived context of a family member, friend, or media personality.
The child is observed by an adult or series of adults, including teachers, aides, and administrators over the course of several years. Behavioral changes in the child trigger the concern of one or more adults, who then engage internal resources [i.e. a guidance counselor, school psychologist] and external resources [child’s parent(s)] to discuss the concern. With the volume of decisions that each of us must make daily, human beings logically seek to categorize concerns to streamline the resolution process. Hence, “concerns” become “issues.”
Parents intuitively and lovingly desire what is best for their children, especially in matters of physical or emotional condition. Upon the advice of childhood education experts, parents often dutifully seek out the services of a physician or counselor to test and diagnose the child’s “issue,” so that the issue may be resolved. Issues are inconvenient and time consuming. A resolved issue allows the child (and the parents) to return to the normal routine of daily life.
Tests are administered. Results are produced. There is a loving expectation on the part of the parents to find a solution to help their child. There is a social expectation on the part of the school officials that the parents will deliver a solution in the persona of a mainstreamed child. But as I’ve discovered through countless sessions over the years, often the child has a different perception.
The child doesn’t (or as an adult recalling the experienced, didn’t) share the perception that there was an “issue.” In fact, often the very behaviors (i.e. clowning in class; sketching anime) that were being called into question are perceived by the child to be skills he/she enjoys. When encouraged to deepen the perceived strength(s), while acknowledging that childhood behavior need conform to a reasonable level of structural balance, the child’s efforts improve beyond the core strength(s). Additionally, when the social label is “disarmed” very bluntly and explicitly, the child adopts more interpersonal social ease. Humor and hyperbole aid the process.
The results are consistently positive as well when I work with adults who were labeled as children. Disarming the social label and viewing those questionable behaviors as inverted “survival skills” or “success strategies” often dislodges additional discoveries and realizations.
• “Risky” behavior becomes confident risk-taking.
• “Inappropriate” speaking out of turn becomes focused thought leadership.
• “Morbid” scribblings become artistic genre.
I’m a parent. You may be a parent or have friends who are parents. We mean well. We’d do anything to help our kids. But before we label and thus disable our youth, let’s press pause and review those behaviors in the context of externalities that may be impacting the child’s emotional frame of reference. Take the additional step to view the “questionable” behaviors as self-imposed survival skills or success strategies.
Then make a balanced and supportive decision how best to proceed…seek reconciliation without the social labels.
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2012
Monday, March 28, 2011
DISCOMFORT AND DISCOURTESY
“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.”
- Jim Rohn
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” -Harvey S. Firestone
No organizational Leader will deny the omnipresent pressure to perform and produce demonstrable results. Regardless of whether I am speaking with for profit or nonprofit Leaders, I often hear common variations on the old cliche' "you're only as good as your last victory." Financial targets, including fundraising and budgets, may lead as the obvious sources, but public perception, growth, and market competition contribute to the array of factors driving Leaders to seek ever better personal and organizational performance.
Historically, there are two basic models of sustainable performance and growth. One variation is built upon personal integrity, leading to strong interpersonal trust among colleagues, and a shared commitment to long-term objectives, respect for human capital, and an integrated approach to how the organization fits into the larger community. The second variation is built upon personal ego, leading to weak interpersonal trust, and a fractured commitment within the management ranks to short-term results and professional survival. This second culture is characterized further by burn-out, turnover among mid-level and senior-level Leaders, further weakening day-to-day trust and commitment within the hourly ranks of the organization.
A colleague of mine told me of a corporate CEO in the health care field who absolutely refused to set an out-of-office message on his voicemail or email. During the engagement, my colleague inquired of the CEO's direct reports about the anomaly which she had discovered when she knew the CEO was away on a Mediterranean cruise and couldn't possibly have been in the office. The Senior Leadership revealed that it was the CEO's practice to appear always "on duty" and that on more than one occasion he had expressed that it was his opinion that every member of the company's management should always be available to engage in work activities.
My colleague further analyzed the effect this practice had upon the organization. Because the message being telegraphed well beyond the executive suite was that work always took priority over personal matters, mid-level managers remained on-edge, since no evening, no weekend, no week of vacation truly every allowed for renewal and refreshment. The human dimension was negatively impacted at every level of the organization. Years later, when the health care concern succumbed to a merger following a sharp decrease in its market capitalization, my colleague wondered to herself what effect the Skinner Box culture had on its downfall.
As Stephen M.R. Covey illustrated in "The Speed of Trust", there is a high cost to an organization, a community, a church or a family when an environment of low trust is allowed to fester. And, yet, low trust organizations continue to exist, seeking to exact profit, growth, and productivity from every other possible source except strengthening the culture of interpersonal trust.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you exercising firm and balanced leadership to achieve long-term trust and performance, or has your management style devolved into brash bullying bent on achieving short-term gains at all costs?
- Jim Rohn
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” -Harvey S. Firestone
No organizational Leader will deny the omnipresent pressure to perform and produce demonstrable results. Regardless of whether I am speaking with for profit or nonprofit Leaders, I often hear common variations on the old cliche' "you're only as good as your last victory." Financial targets, including fundraising and budgets, may lead as the obvious sources, but public perception, growth, and market competition contribute to the array of factors driving Leaders to seek ever better personal and organizational performance.
Historically, there are two basic models of sustainable performance and growth. One variation is built upon personal integrity, leading to strong interpersonal trust among colleagues, and a shared commitment to long-term objectives, respect for human capital, and an integrated approach to how the organization fits into the larger community. The second variation is built upon personal ego, leading to weak interpersonal trust, and a fractured commitment within the management ranks to short-term results and professional survival. This second culture is characterized further by burn-out, turnover among mid-level and senior-level Leaders, further weakening day-to-day trust and commitment within the hourly ranks of the organization.
A colleague of mine told me of a corporate CEO in the health care field who absolutely refused to set an out-of-office message on his voicemail or email. During the engagement, my colleague inquired of the CEO's direct reports about the anomaly which she had discovered when she knew the CEO was away on a Mediterranean cruise and couldn't possibly have been in the office. The Senior Leadership revealed that it was the CEO's practice to appear always "on duty" and that on more than one occasion he had expressed that it was his opinion that every member of the company's management should always be available to engage in work activities.
My colleague further analyzed the effect this practice had upon the organization. Because the message being telegraphed well beyond the executive suite was that work always took priority over personal matters, mid-level managers remained on-edge, since no evening, no weekend, no week of vacation truly every allowed for renewal and refreshment. The human dimension was negatively impacted at every level of the organization. Years later, when the health care concern succumbed to a merger following a sharp decrease in its market capitalization, my colleague wondered to herself what effect the Skinner Box culture had on its downfall.
As Stephen M.R. Covey illustrated in "The Speed of Trust", there is a high cost to an organization, a community, a church or a family when an environment of low trust is allowed to fester. And, yet, low trust organizations continue to exist, seeking to exact profit, growth, and productivity from every other possible source except strengthening the culture of interpersonal trust.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you exercising firm and balanced leadership to achieve long-term trust and performance, or has your management style devolved into brash bullying bent on achieving short-term gains at all costs?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
FAMILY FOUNDATIONS BUILD UPON THE BEDROCK OF FAITH
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. ~Bertrand Russell
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
It's been an ironic paradox that the more I have been sought by my Friends, my clients, while continuing to maintain my Family balance and Faith as my core Principles, the less time I have devoted to writing. I jokingly remind myself that there will be time enough for writing when clients cease to engage me.
Reflecting back upon my last article nearly five months ago--and smiling at the mutually-profitable connections I have made with new Friends as a result--I find myself today once again applying those same timeless lessons to myself amidst a Family situation many of us have faced.
...Last evening, following a day focused upon a thoroughly-fulfilling Process Improvement engagement for a corporate client, I arrived home with just enough time to eat Supper and chat with my beautiful Bride before we were to depart for Mass. After Mass, I would have attended a Commission meeting before heading back home for the night.
God had a different plan for me and my Family the moment our six-year-old Daughter called us from upstairs following the sudden onset of a stomach bug. Details can be spared, but needless to say we embraced and comforted our tear-stricken Daughter, then set to sharing duties as my Bride attended to the bath and I to the carpet cleaning.
Without hesitation, I sent word soon after that I would not be in attendance at my meeting, and recognizing that the following day would not avail our daughter of school attendance, I cancelled my schedule for the following day to be exactly where I needed to be. My Bride made necessary phone calls to notify school, teacher, etc. of our Daughter's impending absence, and arranged to take the second day off if necessary.
Yes, we three were awakened several times throughout the overnight...changing bedding, washing up, comforting our Patient. Today I have laundered much bedding, bath linen, and clothing--not quite the project and meetings in which I had engaged the prior day. But today I have persevered and smiled as our Daughter, between uncharacteristic naps, has optimistically and whimsically declared war on the germs that have derailed her.
I am exactly where God, my Bride, and our Daughter need me to be today. We only have today, as there are no promises of tomorrow. In my business, I strive to always stay within the client's budget; to exceed expectations; to execute the deliverables ahead of schedule--BUT above all, I make no apologies for having built my Family's foundation upon the bedrock of our Faith. I am accountable to God today and at my final hour as I stand before Him at Judgment to faithfully recount my Stewardship of his Entrustment to me.
...Yes, I conduct my business with that very same level of Integrity. Tomorrow I will be serving my Friends again in one-on-one and group sessions to achieve their outcomes, but ever at my core will be my Principles of which I have been most fully reminded this day. Thank You, Lord, for a Life: Fully Lived!
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do we recognize God's Will for us in Life's "interruptions" and "inconveniences"?
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
It's been an ironic paradox that the more I have been sought by my Friends, my clients, while continuing to maintain my Family balance and Faith as my core Principles, the less time I have devoted to writing. I jokingly remind myself that there will be time enough for writing when clients cease to engage me.
Reflecting back upon my last article nearly five months ago--and smiling at the mutually-profitable connections I have made with new Friends as a result--I find myself today once again applying those same timeless lessons to myself amidst a Family situation many of us have faced.
...Last evening, following a day focused upon a thoroughly-fulfilling Process Improvement engagement for a corporate client, I arrived home with just enough time to eat Supper and chat with my beautiful Bride before we were to depart for Mass. After Mass, I would have attended a Commission meeting before heading back home for the night.
God had a different plan for me and my Family the moment our six-year-old Daughter called us from upstairs following the sudden onset of a stomach bug. Details can be spared, but needless to say we embraced and comforted our tear-stricken Daughter, then set to sharing duties as my Bride attended to the bath and I to the carpet cleaning.
Without hesitation, I sent word soon after that I would not be in attendance at my meeting, and recognizing that the following day would not avail our daughter of school attendance, I cancelled my schedule for the following day to be exactly where I needed to be. My Bride made necessary phone calls to notify school, teacher, etc. of our Daughter's impending absence, and arranged to take the second day off if necessary.
Yes, we three were awakened several times throughout the overnight...changing bedding, washing up, comforting our Patient. Today I have laundered much bedding, bath linen, and clothing--not quite the project and meetings in which I had engaged the prior day. But today I have persevered and smiled as our Daughter, between uncharacteristic naps, has optimistically and whimsically declared war on the germs that have derailed her.
I am exactly where God, my Bride, and our Daughter need me to be today. We only have today, as there are no promises of tomorrow. In my business, I strive to always stay within the client's budget; to exceed expectations; to execute the deliverables ahead of schedule--BUT above all, I make no apologies for having built my Family's foundation upon the bedrock of our Faith. I am accountable to God today and at my final hour as I stand before Him at Judgment to faithfully recount my Stewardship of his Entrustment to me.
...Yes, I conduct my business with that very same level of Integrity. Tomorrow I will be serving my Friends again in one-on-one and group sessions to achieve their outcomes, but ever at my core will be my Principles of which I have been most fully reminded this day. Thank You, Lord, for a Life: Fully Lived!
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do we recognize God's Will for us in Life's "interruptions" and "inconveniences"?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
FAMILY IS THE CORE VALUE
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson
Family is the unparalleled arbiter of whether or not your life is in balance. Simply, are you able to drop your child off at school after breakfast, and rejoin your family again at the dinner table? Do you laugh together across generations, dancing in the living room, celebrating each and every day as if it were a named holiday?
Too often today families and family members live the mythology that an unscheduled hour is a wasted hour. Children are enrolled in as many activities as afterschool and weekends will allow. Parents and grandparents coordinate hand-offs and pick-ups with air traffic controller precision, while often not actually having the opportunity to observe the very events in which their young people are participating. Enjoyment and social interaction become secondary to the resume'-stoking quality of the activity.
Our adult family members are no less indoctrinated into this cult of overscheduling. Work is brought home from the office in brimming shoulderbags; work emails are sent and responded to throughout the evenings and weekends. Dinner is a microwave buffet affair, resembling a strolling dinner, where rarely two members of the family will actually sit at a table engaged in quality conversation. Late at night when exhausted children are safely off to bed, mothers and fathers launch themselves into Farmville and all other manner of online fantasy worlds, while beds and genuine marital intimacy both tragically grow cold.
There will be no sized flat screen HD/3D television large enough to recapture our children's youth; there will be no cascade of urgent weekend smartphone messages that will rekindle our spouse's laughter amidst handholding during an evening's neighborhood walk.
Re-engage. Truly listen. Unplug from the 24/7 technology.
Just because someone else may not have the courage to genuinely participate in the fabric of their own family's life does NOT imply that you must sacrifice your family.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you become the balanced leader whose success is measured by the enduring warmth shared within your family home...or will you resign yourself to the mythology of the 24/7 unbalanced life only to "die" alone long before your earthly body last gasps?
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson
Family is the unparalleled arbiter of whether or not your life is in balance. Simply, are you able to drop your child off at school after breakfast, and rejoin your family again at the dinner table? Do you laugh together across generations, dancing in the living room, celebrating each and every day as if it were a named holiday?
Too often today families and family members live the mythology that an unscheduled hour is a wasted hour. Children are enrolled in as many activities as afterschool and weekends will allow. Parents and grandparents coordinate hand-offs and pick-ups with air traffic controller precision, while often not actually having the opportunity to observe the very events in which their young people are participating. Enjoyment and social interaction become secondary to the resume'-stoking quality of the activity.
Our adult family members are no less indoctrinated into this cult of overscheduling. Work is brought home from the office in brimming shoulderbags; work emails are sent and responded to throughout the evenings and weekends. Dinner is a microwave buffet affair, resembling a strolling dinner, where rarely two members of the family will actually sit at a table engaged in quality conversation. Late at night when exhausted children are safely off to bed, mothers and fathers launch themselves into Farmville and all other manner of online fantasy worlds, while beds and genuine marital intimacy both tragically grow cold.
There will be no sized flat screen HD/3D television large enough to recapture our children's youth; there will be no cascade of urgent weekend smartphone messages that will rekindle our spouse's laughter amidst handholding during an evening's neighborhood walk.
Re-engage. Truly listen. Unplug from the 24/7 technology.
Just because someone else may not have the courage to genuinely participate in the fabric of their own family's life does NOT imply that you must sacrifice your family.
- The co-worker who cannot leave the office before dinnertime is not a leader, but is very simply a person who is afraid to leave the office because his/her world outside the office is devoid of laughter and intimacy.
- The co-worker who cannot restrain themselves from emailing, texting, or calling about "urgent" work projects on weekends is merely a sad, weak caricature who has forgotten the warm touch of a spouse's hand or the laughter of a child.
- Empty marriages and estranged children do not need to be your legacy though they may be the rotten fruit beneath a co-worker's tree.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you become the balanced leader whose success is measured by the enduring warmth shared within your family home...or will you resign yourself to the mythology of the 24/7 unbalanced life only to "die" alone long before your earthly body last gasps?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
VALUES-DRIVEN LIFE
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." ~Oscar Wilde
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare
Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare
Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
LIFE AFTER WORKAHOLISM
“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” -Logan Pearsall Smith (1865 – 1946) British essayist and critic
“For workaholics, all the eggs of self-esteem are in the basket of work.”
- Judith M. Bardwick (b. 1933) U.S. management consultant
During a recent conversation over coffee, a seasoned private-sector senior executive (I'll refer to her as "Doris") shared with me an all-too-common observation.
DORIS: "Cris, I've been at this game a while, working my way up, putting in the hours, and now I'm nearly at the top..."
CRIS: "...I hear hesitation in your voice."
DORIS: "Now don't get me wrong--I've done all right. Nice house. Two great kids in college, last one she'll be graduating high school next spring..."
CRIS: "...But?"
DORIS: "But I'm still putting in those long hours. I swore after my eldest son, Greg, graduated high school that I'd attend more of my middle child, William's games...but there were always deadlines, projects, fires to put out. Now, even when I make it to Sarah's gymnastics competitions, I'm fielding phone calls, texts, responding to status update emails. And she knows I'm not really paying attention. Oh, I want to."
CRIS: "Doris, you could put the smartphone away while you're at the competition."
DORIS: "No, you don't understand--our Division President, Mary, sends email requests throughout the evening, sometimes until 10, 11 o'clock. And throughout the weekend. I'm expected to respond--and if I don't respond quickly enough, she'll call to ensure I've received her email!"
CRIS: "The technology hasn't made us more efficient as the 'experts' predicted decades ago...
DORIS: "...it's only made us more accessible around the clock."
CRIS: "I don't believe you contacted me to wallow in regret about the unchangeable past."
DORIS: "No, of course not. As I told you in my email, I have to restore some balance to my life before I burn out--and more importantly, before my children marry, have their own children--my grandchildren--and move on without my having strengthened the bonds of our family."
CRIS: "Doris, it's clear to me that you've defined a higher purpose for your future. I know that you've navigated many challenging projects throughout your career. Are you committed to conquering the challenges you will face as you detach from a culture driven by the addiction of workaholism?"
DORIS: "I must. I don't want to lose more than I've already lost..."
CRIS: "Very well then, let us begin."
TODAY'S QUESTION: What do you stand to lose if you do not disentangle yourself from the bonds of your own or another person's workaholism?
“For workaholics, all the eggs of self-esteem are in the basket of work.”
- Judith M. Bardwick (b. 1933) U.S. management consultant
During a recent conversation over coffee, a seasoned private-sector senior executive (I'll refer to her as "Doris") shared with me an all-too-common observation.
DORIS: "Cris, I've been at this game a while, working my way up, putting in the hours, and now I'm nearly at the top..."
CRIS: "...I hear hesitation in your voice."
DORIS: "Now don't get me wrong--I've done all right. Nice house. Two great kids in college, last one she'll be graduating high school next spring..."
CRIS: "...But?"
DORIS: "But I'm still putting in those long hours. I swore after my eldest son, Greg, graduated high school that I'd attend more of my middle child, William's games...but there were always deadlines, projects, fires to put out. Now, even when I make it to Sarah's gymnastics competitions, I'm fielding phone calls, texts, responding to status update emails. And she knows I'm not really paying attention. Oh, I want to."
CRIS: "Doris, you could put the smartphone away while you're at the competition."
DORIS: "No, you don't understand--our Division President, Mary, sends email requests throughout the evening, sometimes until 10, 11 o'clock. And throughout the weekend. I'm expected to respond--and if I don't respond quickly enough, she'll call to ensure I've received her email!"
CRIS: "The technology hasn't made us more efficient as the 'experts' predicted decades ago...
DORIS: "...it's only made us more accessible around the clock."
CRIS: "I don't believe you contacted me to wallow in regret about the unchangeable past."
DORIS: "No, of course not. As I told you in my email, I have to restore some balance to my life before I burn out--and more importantly, before my children marry, have their own children--my grandchildren--and move on without my having strengthened the bonds of our family."
CRIS: "Doris, it's clear to me that you've defined a higher purpose for your future. I know that you've navigated many challenging projects throughout your career. Are you committed to conquering the challenges you will face as you detach from a culture driven by the addiction of workaholism?"
DORIS: "I must. I don't want to lose more than I've already lost..."
CRIS: "Very well then, let us begin."
TODAY'S QUESTION: What do you stand to lose if you do not disentangle yourself from the bonds of your own or another person's workaholism?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
THE MYTH OF THE 24/7 LIFESTYLE
You have seen this individual: always moving, always talking, always "connected" via various gadgets. Advertisers and futurists would have us believe that EVERYONE is living the 24/7 lifestyle. Images of smart phones buzzing at 3 a.m., text messages, email, PCs that are never powered down amidst the perma-glowing screen. Fast. Available. On the go.
Really? No, I mean REALLY?
Is that really what life is about? Are the seasons, the oceans, the mountains, the sunset, the full moon, streams, rivers, foliage, ski slopes, ponds...all created simply to be backdrops to concrete, glass and asphalt office parks? Certainly not.
Again, picture the individuals you see allegedly living this 24/7 lifestyle. Do they appear peaceful? Do they enjoy hobbies? How are their family lives? How are they faring physically? Beneath the steely veneer of being a "go getter" lies deep-seated insecurity. The whirl of activity and work may mask the individual's inability to relax, converse, bond, until viewed more closely...in slow motion.
At the hour of the final judgment, will the Creator look this one-dimensional corporate "titan" in the eye and exclaim "well done"? Or will the Creator look beyond the trappings of earthly life, and see the broken spirit that would have benefited from more friendship, more healthful living, more balance? This mystery is not for you and I to judge, but from which we can certainly learn to shun.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you choose balance or will you pay the price for life unbalanced?
Really? No, I mean REALLY?
Is that really what life is about? Are the seasons, the oceans, the mountains, the sunset, the full moon, streams, rivers, foliage, ski slopes, ponds...all created simply to be backdrops to concrete, glass and asphalt office parks? Certainly not.
Again, picture the individuals you see allegedly living this 24/7 lifestyle. Do they appear peaceful? Do they enjoy hobbies? How are their family lives? How are they faring physically? Beneath the steely veneer of being a "go getter" lies deep-seated insecurity. The whirl of activity and work may mask the individual's inability to relax, converse, bond, until viewed more closely...in slow motion.
At the hour of the final judgment, will the Creator look this one-dimensional corporate "titan" in the eye and exclaim "well done"? Or will the Creator look beyond the trappings of earthly life, and see the broken spirit that would have benefited from more friendship, more healthful living, more balance? This mystery is not for you and I to judge, but from which we can certainly learn to shun.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you choose balance or will you pay the price for life unbalanced?
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