VALUES-DRIVEN LIFE

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." ~Oscar Wilde


"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare

Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
 
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
 
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
 
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
 
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
 
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
 
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.