“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.”
- Jim Rohn
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” -Harvey S. Firestone
No organizational Leader will deny the omnipresent pressure to perform and produce demonstrable results. Regardless of whether I am speaking with for profit or nonprofit Leaders, I often hear common variations on the old cliche' "you're only as good as your last victory." Financial targets, including fundraising and budgets, may lead as the obvious sources, but public perception, growth, and market competition contribute to the array of factors driving Leaders to seek ever better personal and organizational performance.
Historically, there are two basic models of sustainable performance and growth. One variation is built upon personal integrity, leading to strong interpersonal trust among colleagues, and a shared commitment to long-term objectives, respect for human capital, and an integrated approach to how the organization fits into the larger community. The second variation is built upon personal ego, leading to weak interpersonal trust, and a fractured commitment within the management ranks to short-term results and professional survival. This second culture is characterized further by burn-out, turnover among mid-level and senior-level Leaders, further weakening day-to-day trust and commitment within the hourly ranks of the organization.
A colleague of mine told me of a corporate CEO in the health care field who absolutely refused to set an out-of-office message on his voicemail or email. During the engagement, my colleague inquired of the CEO's direct reports about the anomaly which she had discovered when she knew the CEO was away on a Mediterranean cruise and couldn't possibly have been in the office. The Senior Leadership revealed that it was the CEO's practice to appear always "on duty" and that on more than one occasion he had expressed that it was his opinion that every member of the company's management should always be available to engage in work activities.
My colleague further analyzed the effect this practice had upon the organization. Because the message being telegraphed well beyond the executive suite was that work always took priority over personal matters, mid-level managers remained on-edge, since no evening, no weekend, no week of vacation truly every allowed for renewal and refreshment. The human dimension was negatively impacted at every level of the organization. Years later, when the health care concern succumbed to a merger following a sharp decrease in its market capitalization, my colleague wondered to herself what effect the Skinner Box culture had on its downfall.
As Stephen M.R. Covey illustrated in "The Speed of Trust", there is a high cost to an organization, a community, a church or a family when an environment of low trust is allowed to fester. And, yet, low trust organizations continue to exist, seeking to exact profit, growth, and productivity from every other possible source except strengthening the culture of interpersonal trust.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you exercising firm and balanced leadership to achieve long-term trust and performance, or has your management style devolved into brash bullying bent on achieving short-term gains at all costs?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
SEEK THE OVERLOOKED
"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it." --Henry Ford
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." --Albert Einstein
The outcome was clear: investigate, analyze and document the cause of the disrupted sales volume for the Board of Directors of this historically successful organization.
I began where I generally begin...walking around, listening, observing, open to opportunities to chat. Frankly, my approach causes consternation among middle management, who assume that I will lend my ear and stamp with credence every corporate crank who has an axe to grind against the organization. The well-meaning human resource folks fret that I'll offend someone, disrupt the precipitous workplace harmony, or stir discord amongst the rank and file. The employees know I'm on site, whether formally or through the grapevine.
Fear not! While open to all comers, my process is designed to cull and filter the substance from the strange and irrelevant. But initially one knows not what is relevant, as seemingly random and disjointed observations and phrases are often the signposts to the heart of the matter.
Yes, I was prepared that morning for the usual parade of cranks (employees who gripe about every aspect of the organization) and entertainers (employees and managers sent to sell me on the saintly nature of the organization). Every organization has them, much as every organization has an address, so I don't build my research upon the cranks' and entertainers' musings.
The copy machine...the coffee pot...the lunch room...the mail room...now THAT'S where the real dialogue begins to take place. Takes time to build trust. The substantive discussions begin with simple polite openings and simple open-ended questions. A few notes, no names recorded, only generic positions for reference.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do YOU have the courage to take YOUR organization down the path of self-examination to remove the impediments to progress and unleash next-generational growth?
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." --Albert Einstein
The outcome was clear: investigate, analyze and document the cause of the disrupted sales volume for the Board of Directors of this historically successful organization.
I began where I generally begin...walking around, listening, observing, open to opportunities to chat. Frankly, my approach causes consternation among middle management, who assume that I will lend my ear and stamp with credence every corporate crank who has an axe to grind against the organization. The well-meaning human resource folks fret that I'll offend someone, disrupt the precipitous workplace harmony, or stir discord amongst the rank and file. The employees know I'm on site, whether formally or through the grapevine.
Fear not! While open to all comers, my process is designed to cull and filter the substance from the strange and irrelevant. But initially one knows not what is relevant, as seemingly random and disjointed observations and phrases are often the signposts to the heart of the matter.
Yes, I was prepared that morning for the usual parade of cranks (employees who gripe about every aspect of the organization) and entertainers (employees and managers sent to sell me on the saintly nature of the organization). Every organization has them, much as every organization has an address, so I don't build my research upon the cranks' and entertainers' musings.
The copy machine...the coffee pot...the lunch room...the mail room...now THAT'S where the real dialogue begins to take place. Takes time to build trust. The substantive discussions begin with simple polite openings and simple open-ended questions. A few notes, no names recorded, only generic positions for reference.
- Some of the most reliable employees to begin are in the mail room, the porter and the receptionist--they provide a framework of Who's Who in the organization.
- The valued individual I seek is the "organizational historian", that employee who has been employed there for decades, and is able to provide anecdotal pathways through organizational culture shifts, economic cycles, and senior management turnover.
- My formal scheduled interviews with key senior managers were certainly framed by their knowledge that their Board had engaged me, but my objectivity and good-naturedness served to alleviate most concerns early in our discussions.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do YOU have the courage to take YOUR organization down the path of self-examination to remove the impediments to progress and unleash next-generational growth?
Monday, March 14, 2011
THE JOURNEY OF ORGANIZATIONAL SELF-EXAMINATION
"Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can't be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people." — Lee Iacocca
“A great leader needs to love and respect people, and he needs to be comfortable with himself and with the world. He also needs to be able to forgive himself and others. In other words, a leader needs grace.” — Leo Hindery Jr.
I was recently reminded of an engagement I undertook several years ago at the behest of a Board of Directors of a successful organization that had then recently begun to experience declining sales volume. Though revenue and capitalization portrayed a public face of continued market dominance, internally the Directors suspected that the rivets would soon loosen, exposing an otherwise weakened hull.
The Directors expressed concerns about strengthened competitors in the marketplace; potential customer service weakness; a mismanaged sales force driven only by incentives; suspected failure to adequately update the product offering; and marketing and advertising miscues. After respectfully listening to their description of the situation, taking notes where appropriate, I was asked if I'd accept the task of investigating, analyzing and documenting the cause of the disrupted sales volume?
I responded with the one litmus test I apply to all situations no matter whether I'm coaching an individual on a spiritual journey or coaching a commercial enterprise to achieve market dominance: "Will I be afforded unrestrained access and opportunity to go anywhere in the company, speak to anyone in the company, and assimilate my findings no matter how difficult it may be to receive my message?"
Understandably this well-bred, well-educated team of business leaders drew back for a moment, even asking me to leave the room for a few minutes while they discussed the matter of my stipulation. But, upon discussing the relative importance of turning the proverbial ship around, and in light of my reputation for tact and even-handedness, I was invited back into the room to proceed with our mutual discussion.
I approach every relationship that I'm invited into by my Friends (my clients) as if we've entered Lent. Much as Lent occurs every year, and is much-needed by sinners such as me each and every year, so, too, do organizations of every size and industry require periodic self-examination, lest they become too confident in their own self-directed path to extinction.
We will continue to discuss journey on which this particular engagement led me, the Directors, and their organization, for there were many a-ha moments that have provided many learning experiences for them and me henceforth.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you committed to the recurring personal, professional and organizational Lenten journey required to reach your, your employees', your stakeholders', and your audience's full potential?
“A great leader needs to love and respect people, and he needs to be comfortable with himself and with the world. He also needs to be able to forgive himself and others. In other words, a leader needs grace.” — Leo Hindery Jr.
I was recently reminded of an engagement I undertook several years ago at the behest of a Board of Directors of a successful organization that had then recently begun to experience declining sales volume. Though revenue and capitalization portrayed a public face of continued market dominance, internally the Directors suspected that the rivets would soon loosen, exposing an otherwise weakened hull.
The Directors expressed concerns about strengthened competitors in the marketplace; potential customer service weakness; a mismanaged sales force driven only by incentives; suspected failure to adequately update the product offering; and marketing and advertising miscues. After respectfully listening to their description of the situation, taking notes where appropriate, I was asked if I'd accept the task of investigating, analyzing and documenting the cause of the disrupted sales volume?
I responded with the one litmus test I apply to all situations no matter whether I'm coaching an individual on a spiritual journey or coaching a commercial enterprise to achieve market dominance: "Will I be afforded unrestrained access and opportunity to go anywhere in the company, speak to anyone in the company, and assimilate my findings no matter how difficult it may be to receive my message?"
Understandably this well-bred, well-educated team of business leaders drew back for a moment, even asking me to leave the room for a few minutes while they discussed the matter of my stipulation. But, upon discussing the relative importance of turning the proverbial ship around, and in light of my reputation for tact and even-handedness, I was invited back into the room to proceed with our mutual discussion.
I approach every relationship that I'm invited into by my Friends (my clients) as if we've entered Lent. Much as Lent occurs every year, and is much-needed by sinners such as me each and every year, so, too, do organizations of every size and industry require periodic self-examination, lest they become too confident in their own self-directed path to extinction.
We will continue to discuss journey on which this particular engagement led me, the Directors, and their organization, for there were many a-ha moments that have provided many learning experiences for them and me henceforth.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you committed to the recurring personal, professional and organizational Lenten journey required to reach your, your employees', your stakeholders', and your audience's full potential?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
FAMILY FOUNDATIONS BUILD UPON THE BEDROCK OF FAITH
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. ~Bertrand Russell
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
It's been an ironic paradox that the more I have been sought by my Friends, my clients, while continuing to maintain my Family balance and Faith as my core Principles, the less time I have devoted to writing. I jokingly remind myself that there will be time enough for writing when clients cease to engage me.
Reflecting back upon my last article nearly five months ago--and smiling at the mutually-profitable connections I have made with new Friends as a result--I find myself today once again applying those same timeless lessons to myself amidst a Family situation many of us have faced.
...Last evening, following a day focused upon a thoroughly-fulfilling Process Improvement engagement for a corporate client, I arrived home with just enough time to eat Supper and chat with my beautiful Bride before we were to depart for Mass. After Mass, I would have attended a Commission meeting before heading back home for the night.
God had a different plan for me and my Family the moment our six-year-old Daughter called us from upstairs following the sudden onset of a stomach bug. Details can be spared, but needless to say we embraced and comforted our tear-stricken Daughter, then set to sharing duties as my Bride attended to the bath and I to the carpet cleaning.
Without hesitation, I sent word soon after that I would not be in attendance at my meeting, and recognizing that the following day would not avail our daughter of school attendance, I cancelled my schedule for the following day to be exactly where I needed to be. My Bride made necessary phone calls to notify school, teacher, etc. of our Daughter's impending absence, and arranged to take the second day off if necessary.
Yes, we three were awakened several times throughout the overnight...changing bedding, washing up, comforting our Patient. Today I have laundered much bedding, bath linen, and clothing--not quite the project and meetings in which I had engaged the prior day. But today I have persevered and smiled as our Daughter, between uncharacteristic naps, has optimistically and whimsically declared war on the germs that have derailed her.
I am exactly where God, my Bride, and our Daughter need me to be today. We only have today, as there are no promises of tomorrow. In my business, I strive to always stay within the client's budget; to exceed expectations; to execute the deliverables ahead of schedule--BUT above all, I make no apologies for having built my Family's foundation upon the bedrock of our Faith. I am accountable to God today and at my final hour as I stand before Him at Judgment to faithfully recount my Stewardship of his Entrustment to me.
...Yes, I conduct my business with that very same level of Integrity. Tomorrow I will be serving my Friends again in one-on-one and group sessions to achieve their outcomes, but ever at my core will be my Principles of which I have been most fully reminded this day. Thank You, Lord, for a Life: Fully Lived!
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do we recognize God's Will for us in Life's "interruptions" and "inconveniences"?
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
It's been an ironic paradox that the more I have been sought by my Friends, my clients, while continuing to maintain my Family balance and Faith as my core Principles, the less time I have devoted to writing. I jokingly remind myself that there will be time enough for writing when clients cease to engage me.
Reflecting back upon my last article nearly five months ago--and smiling at the mutually-profitable connections I have made with new Friends as a result--I find myself today once again applying those same timeless lessons to myself amidst a Family situation many of us have faced.
...Last evening, following a day focused upon a thoroughly-fulfilling Process Improvement engagement for a corporate client, I arrived home with just enough time to eat Supper and chat with my beautiful Bride before we were to depart for Mass. After Mass, I would have attended a Commission meeting before heading back home for the night.
God had a different plan for me and my Family the moment our six-year-old Daughter called us from upstairs following the sudden onset of a stomach bug. Details can be spared, but needless to say we embraced and comforted our tear-stricken Daughter, then set to sharing duties as my Bride attended to the bath and I to the carpet cleaning.
Without hesitation, I sent word soon after that I would not be in attendance at my meeting, and recognizing that the following day would not avail our daughter of school attendance, I cancelled my schedule for the following day to be exactly where I needed to be. My Bride made necessary phone calls to notify school, teacher, etc. of our Daughter's impending absence, and arranged to take the second day off if necessary.
Yes, we three were awakened several times throughout the overnight...changing bedding, washing up, comforting our Patient. Today I have laundered much bedding, bath linen, and clothing--not quite the project and meetings in which I had engaged the prior day. But today I have persevered and smiled as our Daughter, between uncharacteristic naps, has optimistically and whimsically declared war on the germs that have derailed her.
I am exactly where God, my Bride, and our Daughter need me to be today. We only have today, as there are no promises of tomorrow. In my business, I strive to always stay within the client's budget; to exceed expectations; to execute the deliverables ahead of schedule--BUT above all, I make no apologies for having built my Family's foundation upon the bedrock of our Faith. I am accountable to God today and at my final hour as I stand before Him at Judgment to faithfully recount my Stewardship of his Entrustment to me.
...Yes, I conduct my business with that very same level of Integrity. Tomorrow I will be serving my Friends again in one-on-one and group sessions to achieve their outcomes, but ever at my core will be my Principles of which I have been most fully reminded this day. Thank You, Lord, for a Life: Fully Lived!
TODAY'S QUESTION: Do we recognize God's Will for us in Life's "interruptions" and "inconveniences"?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
FAMILY IS THE CORE VALUE
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson
Family is the unparalleled arbiter of whether or not your life is in balance. Simply, are you able to drop your child off at school after breakfast, and rejoin your family again at the dinner table? Do you laugh together across generations, dancing in the living room, celebrating each and every day as if it were a named holiday?
Too often today families and family members live the mythology that an unscheduled hour is a wasted hour. Children are enrolled in as many activities as afterschool and weekends will allow. Parents and grandparents coordinate hand-offs and pick-ups with air traffic controller precision, while often not actually having the opportunity to observe the very events in which their young people are participating. Enjoyment and social interaction become secondary to the resume'-stoking quality of the activity.
Our adult family members are no less indoctrinated into this cult of overscheduling. Work is brought home from the office in brimming shoulderbags; work emails are sent and responded to throughout the evenings and weekends. Dinner is a microwave buffet affair, resembling a strolling dinner, where rarely two members of the family will actually sit at a table engaged in quality conversation. Late at night when exhausted children are safely off to bed, mothers and fathers launch themselves into Farmville and all other manner of online fantasy worlds, while beds and genuine marital intimacy both tragically grow cold.
There will be no sized flat screen HD/3D television large enough to recapture our children's youth; there will be no cascade of urgent weekend smartphone messages that will rekindle our spouse's laughter amidst handholding during an evening's neighborhood walk.
Re-engage. Truly listen. Unplug from the 24/7 technology.
Just because someone else may not have the courage to genuinely participate in the fabric of their own family's life does NOT imply that you must sacrifice your family.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you become the balanced leader whose success is measured by the enduring warmth shared within your family home...or will you resign yourself to the mythology of the 24/7 unbalanced life only to "die" alone long before your earthly body last gasps?
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson
Family is the unparalleled arbiter of whether or not your life is in balance. Simply, are you able to drop your child off at school after breakfast, and rejoin your family again at the dinner table? Do you laugh together across generations, dancing in the living room, celebrating each and every day as if it were a named holiday?
Too often today families and family members live the mythology that an unscheduled hour is a wasted hour. Children are enrolled in as many activities as afterschool and weekends will allow. Parents and grandparents coordinate hand-offs and pick-ups with air traffic controller precision, while often not actually having the opportunity to observe the very events in which their young people are participating. Enjoyment and social interaction become secondary to the resume'-stoking quality of the activity.
Our adult family members are no less indoctrinated into this cult of overscheduling. Work is brought home from the office in brimming shoulderbags; work emails are sent and responded to throughout the evenings and weekends. Dinner is a microwave buffet affair, resembling a strolling dinner, where rarely two members of the family will actually sit at a table engaged in quality conversation. Late at night when exhausted children are safely off to bed, mothers and fathers launch themselves into Farmville and all other manner of online fantasy worlds, while beds and genuine marital intimacy both tragically grow cold.
There will be no sized flat screen HD/3D television large enough to recapture our children's youth; there will be no cascade of urgent weekend smartphone messages that will rekindle our spouse's laughter amidst handholding during an evening's neighborhood walk.
Re-engage. Truly listen. Unplug from the 24/7 technology.
Just because someone else may not have the courage to genuinely participate in the fabric of their own family's life does NOT imply that you must sacrifice your family.
- The co-worker who cannot leave the office before dinnertime is not a leader, but is very simply a person who is afraid to leave the office because his/her world outside the office is devoid of laughter and intimacy.
- The co-worker who cannot restrain themselves from emailing, texting, or calling about "urgent" work projects on weekends is merely a sad, weak caricature who has forgotten the warm touch of a spouse's hand or the laughter of a child.
- Empty marriages and estranged children do not need to be your legacy though they may be the rotten fruit beneath a co-worker's tree.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you become the balanced leader whose success is measured by the enduring warmth shared within your family home...or will you resign yourself to the mythology of the 24/7 unbalanced life only to "die" alone long before your earthly body last gasps?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
PATHWAY TO VICTORY
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." --Proverbs 3:5-6
"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." --Ayn Rand
For me, my Faith in God eases my path daily. Inevitably each of us will face challenges en route to achieving our aims, but I have always believed that we are strengthened to overcome those challenges when we have named and embraced our Core Values. As we approach the November election, living our Values and our Faith in all of our daily actions remains imperative.
The courage to live our core values must eminate consistently from within, lest we habitually subsume our core values to society's expectations. The elected officials and corporate executives I admire most consistently live values-driven lives. Their power springs forth from genuine Faith and Knowledge, discerning right from wrong even when the simpler, more popular path might provide immediate gratification.
Leaders--of families, of businesses, of schools, of elected bodies--adhere to their values and remain aware of the guideposts provided by God in all matters. Parents provide discipline even when giving in to a child's demands might appear easier. Executives strategically plan for the future even when satisfying the public's appetite for glowing quarterly financial results might garner more favorable press.
True happiness lies not in today's perceived victory but in every day's genuine victory. Be not afraid to rely upon your Faith, to prayerfully go to your God for guidance, to act upon your core values, for at the end of the evening you will be able to lay your head upon the pillow for deep and peaceful rest. Your victory must also be God's victory for His people.
TODAY'S QUESTION: As YOU approach the November election, have YOU gone to the Lord in prayer regarding your strategy, your objectives, and your concerns?
"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." --Ayn Rand
For me, my Faith in God eases my path daily. Inevitably each of us will face challenges en route to achieving our aims, but I have always believed that we are strengthened to overcome those challenges when we have named and embraced our Core Values. As we approach the November election, living our Values and our Faith in all of our daily actions remains imperative.
The courage to live our core values must eminate consistently from within, lest we habitually subsume our core values to society's expectations. The elected officials and corporate executives I admire most consistently live values-driven lives. Their power springs forth from genuine Faith and Knowledge, discerning right from wrong even when the simpler, more popular path might provide immediate gratification.
Leaders--of families, of businesses, of schools, of elected bodies--adhere to their values and remain aware of the guideposts provided by God in all matters. Parents provide discipline even when giving in to a child's demands might appear easier. Executives strategically plan for the future even when satisfying the public's appetite for glowing quarterly financial results might garner more favorable press.
True happiness lies not in today's perceived victory but in every day's genuine victory. Be not afraid to rely upon your Faith, to prayerfully go to your God for guidance, to act upon your core values, for at the end of the evening you will be able to lay your head upon the pillow for deep and peaceful rest. Your victory must also be God's victory for His people.
TODAY'S QUESTION: As YOU approach the November election, have YOU gone to the Lord in prayer regarding your strategy, your objectives, and your concerns?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
VALUES-DRIVEN LIFE
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." ~Oscar Wilde
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare
Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare
Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.
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