FAMILY IS THE CORE VALUE

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson


Family is the unparalleled arbiter of whether or not your life is in balance. Simply, are you able to drop your child off at school after breakfast, and rejoin your family again at the dinner table? Do you laugh together across generations, dancing in the living room, celebrating each and every day as if it were a named holiday?

Too often today families and family members live the mythology that an unscheduled hour is a wasted hour. Children are enrolled in as many activities as afterschool and weekends will allow. Parents and grandparents coordinate hand-offs and pick-ups with air traffic controller precision, while often not actually having the opportunity to observe the very events in which their young people are participating. Enjoyment and social interaction become secondary to the resume'-stoking quality of the activity.

Our adult family members are no less indoctrinated into this cult of overscheduling. Work is brought home from the office in brimming shoulderbags; work emails are sent and responded to throughout the evenings and weekends. Dinner is a microwave buffet affair, resembling a strolling dinner, where rarely two members of the family will actually sit at a table engaged in quality conversation. Late at night when exhausted children are safely off to bed, mothers and fathers launch themselves into Farmville and all other manner of online fantasy worlds, while beds and genuine marital intimacy both tragically grow cold.

There will be no sized flat screen HD/3D television large enough to recapture our children's youth; there will be no cascade of urgent weekend smartphone messages that will rekindle our spouse's laughter amidst handholding during an evening's neighborhood walk.

Re-engage. Truly listen. Unplug from the 24/7 technology.

Just because someone else may not have the courage to genuinely participate in the fabric of their own family's life does NOT imply that you must sacrifice your family.

• The co-worker who cannot leave the office before dinnertime is not a leader, but is very simply a person who is afraid to leave the office because his/her world outside the office is devoid of laughter and intimacy.
• The co-worker who cannot restrain themselves from emailing, texting, or calling about "urgent" work projects on weekends is merely a sad, weak caricature who has forgotten the warm touch of a spouse's hand or the laughter of a child.
• Empty marriages and estranged children do not need to be your legacy though they may be the rotten fruit beneath a co-worker's tree.

Live. Love. Laugh. Leave a Legacy. Begin today.

TODAY'S QUESTION: Will you become the balanced leader whose success is measured by the enduring warmth shared within your family home...or will you resign yourself to the mythology of the 24/7 unbalanced life only to "die" alone long before your earthly body last gasps?

PATHWAY TO VICTORY

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."  --Proverbs 3:5-6

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." --Ayn Rand

For me, my Faith in God eases my path daily. Inevitably each of us will face challenges en route to achieving our aims, but I have always believed that we are strengthened to overcome those challenges when we have named and embraced our Core Values. As we approach the November election, living our Values and our Faith in all of our daily actions remains imperative.

The courage to live our core values must eminate consistently from within, lest we habitually subsume our core values to society's expectations. The elected officials and corporate executives I admire most consistently live values-driven lives. Their power springs forth from genuine Faith and Knowledge, discerning right from wrong even when the simpler, more popular path might provide immediate gratification.

Leaders--of families, of businesses, of schools, of elected bodies--adhere to their values and remain aware of the guideposts provided by God in all matters. Parents provide discipline even when giving in to a child's demands might appear easier. Executives strategically plan for the future even when satisfying the public's appetite for glowing quarterly financial results might garner more favorable press.

True happiness lies not in today's perceived victory but in every day's genuine victory. Be not afraid to rely upon your Faith, to prayerfully go to your God for guidance, to act upon your core values, for at the end of the evening you will be able to lay your head upon the pillow for deep and peaceful rest. Your victory must also be God's victory for His people.

TODAY'S QUESTION: As YOU approach the November election, have YOU gone to the Lord in prayer regarding your strategy, your objectives, and your concerns?

VALUES-DRIVEN LIFE

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." ~Oscar Wilde


"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare

Doris and I worked through several productive sessions as we plumbed her history to identify and dismantle the notions of "must", "have to", and "everyone does" that typify the externally-imposed value systems of those we modeled as we grew and matured.
 
Every one of us, whether we consciously identify and manage it or not, has a list of values that drive us toward certain behaviors and situations. Likewise, each of us has a list of values that drive us away from certain behaviors and situations. Doris also came to realize that while we each have a list of aspirational values that drive us toward our fully lived Life, habit and perceived necessity often work to override our aspirational values. We find ourselves climbing the ladder only to learn it was leaning against the wrong tree.
 
While love, integrity, commitment, family, achievement, and balance appeared on her list as she worked to identify the Life she intended to fully live, Doris also conceded that external expectations as well as her internal desire to please others had led her to live out the values of deference, control, independence, intensity, obedience, and significance. Let me be very clear: every individual can choose to live a full Life by the values most appropriate to him/her. It is not for I or any other individual to tell YOU what values YOU should choose to guide YOU how you should order them to achieve the fully lived Life. But, be absolutely certain that you are the architect of your own values system, and not that you are the laborer driven by someone else's values system.
 
I coach individuals and groups of varying sizes. Over time I have repeatedly encountered two commonly-observed causes of living out of congruence with one's own identified values list: (a) real or perceived financial obligations that no longer apply; and (b) fear of disapproval by persons perceived to have authority over us. Please note that both of those causes refer to perceptions that individuals may hold. Perception will lose its power over you once you bring it into the bright light cast by your own self-chosen values list.
 
I've long shared the guiding principle with my clients, "If you fail to consciously choose, then you succumb to the choices of others..." We will each be driven by values, so let us commit to living our own highest values, not those we believe someone or "society" expects us to have.
 
TODAY'S QUESTION: Have YOU committed to fully live your Life by your highest values...or are YOU continuing to live the life that YOU perceive and believe that others expect YOU to live?
 
Write the top 10 values that are habitually driving your daily routine.
Pause.
Then write the top 10 values that you are committed to adopting to fully live the Life of your own making.
We will then build from there together.

LIFE AFTER WORKAHOLISM

“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.”  -Logan Pearsall Smith (1865 – 1946) British essayist and critic

“For workaholics, all the eggs of self-esteem are in the basket of work.” 
- Judith M. Bardwick (b. 1933) U.S. management consultant

During a recent conversation over coffee, a seasoned private-sector senior executive (I'll refer to her as "Doris") shared with me an all-too-common observation.
DORIS: "Cris, I've been at this game a while, working my way up, putting in the hours, and now I'm nearly at the top..."
CRIS: "...I hear hesitation in your voice."
DORIS: "Now don't get me wrong--I've done all right. Nice house. Two great kids in college, last one she'll be graduating high school next spring..."
CRIS: "...But?"
DORIS: "But I'm still putting in those long hours. I swore after my eldest son, Greg, graduated high school that I'd attend more of my middle child, William's games...but there were always deadlines, projects, fires to put out. Now, even when I make it to Sarah's gymnastics competitions, I'm fielding phone calls, texts, responding to status update emails. And she knows I'm not really paying attention. Oh, I want to."
CRIS: "Doris, you could put the smartphone away while you're at the competition."
DORIS: "No, you don't understand--our Division President, Mary, sends email requests throughout the evening, sometimes until 10, 11 o'clock.  And throughout the weekend. I'm expected to respond--and if I don't respond quickly enough, she'll call to ensure I've received her email!"
CRIS: "The technology hasn't made us more efficient as the 'experts' predicted decades ago...
DORIS: "...it's only made us more accessible around the clock."
CRIS: "I don't believe you contacted me to wallow in regret about the unchangeable past."
DORIS: "No, of course not. As I told you in my email, I have to restore some balance to my life before I burn out--and more importantly, before my children marry, have their own children--my grandchildren--and move on without my having strengthened the bonds of our family."
CRIS: "Doris, it's clear to me that you've defined a higher purpose for your future. I know that you've navigated many challenging projects throughout your career. Are you committed to conquering the challenges you will face as you detach from a culture driven by the addiction of workaholism?"
DORIS: "I must. I don't want to lose more than I've already lost..."
CRIS: "Very well then, let us begin."

TODAY'S QUESTION: What do you stand to lose if you do not disentangle yourself from the bonds of your own or another person's workaholism?

NAKED LEADERSHIP

"The great and invigorating influences in American life have been the unorthodox: the people who challenge an existing institution or way of life, or say and do things that make people think." -William O. Douglas, U.S. Supreme Court Justice


"Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels -- men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, we may never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion." -Dwight D. Eisenhower, U.S. President


Frequently I will be asked by new colleagues and acquaintances how I have managed to forge such a diverse (and seemingly contradictory) array of political, social and commercial alliances. Those of you that know me well have, of course, become accustomed to my genuine affection for and natural curiosity about people, causes and enterprises that seek to truly elevate and improve the human condition. I shun the false stereotype that Leaders are beholding to a unitary constituency.
 
Throughout the history of the United States, Americans of different faiths, education, careers, and social strata have converged and diverged at intervals to support and/or oppose wars, trends, atrocities, injustices, and commerce. While the discourse may at times become loud and abrasive, with few exceptions our Nation has moved forward, improved for the market place of ideas. Political theatre and Cable News Entertainment notwithstanding, our Commercial Enterprises, and our Cities, States and Nation are led and legislated by men and women committed to the ideals and practical applications of Freedom, Faith, Family, Fairness and Prosperity.
 
Hence, while I have not always been on the winning side when the final votes were tallied, I have always considered myself the victor in the arena of ethics, free markets, and human progress.
 
I stand behind you just out of camera range during your Victory Speech; I stand firmly beside you during your Concession Speech; but I always stand with you in your convictions when the Monday-morning media quarterbacking begins, poised to defend your sincerity and genuine affection for the citizens, the families, the communities, and the business leaders that you have so selflessly represented.
 
So when a new acquaintance doubtfully or sarcastically questions my ability to speak to his/her employees, volunteers, members, or constituency --given my array of clients-- I simply smile and walk into the meeting space with the well-researched conviction that I'm backing another winner. This is America, my Friend, and anyone who is willing to genuinely Invest, Innovate and Lead is a winner in my book.

I look forward to meeting you.
 
God Bless!
Cris

A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENT

"I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody." ~Benjamin Franklin

“Truth is generally the best vindication against slander” ~Abraham Lincoln


As we make our way through this warm, fun-filled summer of 2010, enjoying backyard barbeques, week-long family vacations, and cheering our local professional baseball team, another longstanding American sport is underway: Vicious Political Slander.

While I can cite no candidate for public office who has ever declared himself/herself to be a sinless saint, I have generally found the men and women who undertake this great political journey to campaign for elected office to be individuals of noble character who truly revere the United States, its Constitution and the respective state constitutions. My observations have encompassed the large majority of members of both major political parties and independents, lest we devolve into myopic slander of our own.

When we strip away the caricatures of the few infamous politicians whose stunts make for mainstream media fodder, we find family-oriented men and women from all walks of life who have consulted their spouses (and often their children) to discuss the personal/family sacrifices necessary to undertake a campaign on behalf of their citizens. Achieving electoral victory often means added responsibility at reduced income amidst a 24/7/365 glare of anyone with access to a camera, video recorder, and a computer. 

So, while vicious political slander has been the favored "hail mary pass" of cowardly, vacuous single-issue opponents since the dawn of time, I have been particularly startled by the personal nature of the baseless attacks against two fine gubernatorial candidates this summer. Nikki Haley (http://www.nikkihaley.com/) of South Carolina and Mike Cox (http://mikecox2010.com/) of Michigan have both been subjected to publicly-disseminated prurient slander certainly launched by unscrupulous consultants funded by their flailing (and failing) opponents.

These two fine Christians have spouses and children--Nikki's husband, Michael, a dedicated father and patriotic Army National Guard Officer; Mike's wife, Laura, a loving mother and selfless public official working on behalf of Wayne County residents--innocent spouses and children who have been crudely disregarded by paid political hacks attempting to score points for an opposition Titanic campaign. 

Nikki (helping from a young age in a proud family-owned business) and Mike (a Marine Corp veteran of ) have brought bold, transformative ideas to their respective constituents. Both candidates have involved diverse groups of residents, and will work on behalf of ALL regardless of political party. Yet, within a week of critical elections, slush-funded and well-publicized slander emerged. A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENT if you ask anyone. Informed citizens will not be distracted by this insulting use of slimy, dime-arcade innuendo, but will instead recognize the opponent's cowardice that contrived and funded it. It happened during their candidacies...fortunately to no avail...but it could happen to YOUR CANDIDACY at that cricitial moment. PREPARE!

TODAY'S QUESTION: Have you consulted with your family and with your campaign team to plan in advance to assess, address, and dismiss your desperate opponent(s)' potential, and almost certain, use of vicious political slander against YOU?

LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed."  -Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence

"But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does."  JAMES 1:25, New King James Version


As we enjoy and participate in the active celebration of our great Nation's 234th birthday, I find it instructive to return to the Document itself and the scriptural precursor, The Bible, to remind ourselves that The United States of America was born and remains a blessed nation. Our Founders, beginning with the 17th century settlers who sought refuge from British religious persecution and leading to the brave men and women who courageously signed and defended The Declaration of Independence against 18th century British tyranny, derived their Faith and Grace directly from the Creator, God Almighty.

I find it equally instructive that "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" are "among" our "unalienable rights"...we are not simply limited to those ennumerated rights. God has provided his People throughout history with much opportunity for freedom, and when exercised faithfully, fairly, and fruitfully, our Nation has grown and prospered, enjoying the fruits of our combined labors. George Washington avoided political party affiliation, recognizing the tendency for partisanship to undermine the productive collaboration necessary to forge enabling legislation vital to the efficient functioning of a national government. Thomas Jefferson trusted the power of the individual citizen to direct the Nation's affairs by electing his/her representatives to travel to the seat of government, draft sensible legislation, and cast well-informed votes.

Both men, Washington and Jefferson, together with many others recognized--and continue to recognize--that our unalienable rights must be defended, respected, and exercised.

• Sometimes defended upon the battlefield, domestic or internationally, and for that WE MUST PRAY FOR AND THANK OUR BRAVE AND SELFLESS ACTIVE AND VETERAN SERVICE MEMBERS.
• Sometimes defended in the courtrooms, legislatures, and executive offices of our cities & towns, states, and federal government, and for that we must pray for continued fidelity for our elected leaders and appointed officials.
• Respecting and exercising our unalienable rights remains incumbent upon each of us as citizens. We each have an obligation to lead this nation, one citizen at a time, daily. When we cease to respect and exercise our rights, those rights will erode and eventually be eliminated or forgotten.

You and I, and our Families, our Neighbors, and our Congregations...we are today's Defenders of the God-given Rights and Responsibilities ennumerated and implied in The Declaration of Independence and United States (and State) Constitution. Go forth this Independence Day and proudly proclaim the Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness for which so many, including you, have labored so hard for and died for. Amen.

TODAY'S QUESTION: When evaluating prospective candidates for 2010 elections, have YOU measured their commitment to preserving, defending and respecting YOUR God-given, unalienable rights?